MOM GAVE ME WINGS

(Part 1 of a 2 part series)

At about the age of 20, my mom handed me a set of wings. Perhaps they weren’t real wings, I couldn’t touch them, play with them or wear them as part of a Halloween costume but they were no less significant. She may have even tried giving them to me earlier in life but I remember the day I accepted her offer.

I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma. When I was entering into 4^th grade we moved to the big city, Tulsa. I went to elementary school, junior high and high school all in the same area. The schools were all next to one another within a square mile. Home was within walking distance. The church we attended was full of friends and family. My safety was never an issue but none-the-less I’m sure my mother worried about me daily, as all parents do. 

In 1985 I met the boy of my dreams. At the time, I’m not sure I realized that but it certainly didn’t take long for me to recognize Scott was different. He was kind and considerate and was nearly always happy. We dated for a few years while he was in Oklahoma going to school. However, once he graduated and before he got a full-time job, he returned to his home town and his parents’ house in Pennsylvania. We were in the midst of having a long-distance relationship when he suggested that we meet up in Missouri. His dad (who was from there was planning a trip to visit his family). Scott told me that if I would be willing to make the drive from Oklahoma to Missouri, he would make the drive from Pennsylvania to Missouri with his dad so we could see one another. I was a little apprehensive. After all, I was just 20 years old, a female and at that time had really not ventured too far from the safety net of home, especially by myself. I was contemplating the decision before me when mom entered the room. “What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” I explained the details of Scott’s offer. I imagine she could sense two things from me: first that I wanted to go and second that I was a tad frightened about doing this trip alone. She looked at me and with conviction in her voice said: “Brenda, if you don’t do this, you won’t ever do anything.” “Well, alrighty then mom. Why don’t you tell me how you really feel.” I was a little shocked at her sternness and blunt answer and wondered where it came from. Why did she have such an opinion? Wasn’t she worried that something horrible would happen to me on such a dangerous mission? Didn’t she care? Was she throwing me to the wolves at the ripe old age of 20? Well, of course not! My mother loved me so very much and wanted to see me prosper. She knew she’d raised me to be a good girl, a strong girl and a girl who trusted in God, just as she had done her whole life. She was taking the opportunity Scott had presented and run with it. I wonder if she thought to herself that this was the moment - that prized moment when you realize as a parent it is time to gently and lovingly assist your child from the nest. Did she see this as a moment in time to seize?

A few days later she helped me pack up my car. She and my step-dad made sure I had plenty of money and that the car was in good running condition and on my merry way they sent me.

I ended up having a wonderful time and the trip, while great fun, was pretty uneventful. When I look back at this experience one thing is glaringly obvious. My mother put my feet on a path that is vastly different than what it could have been. She nurtured a sense of adventure, a sense of calm, a sense of trust that all would be okay. That sense has stayed with me to this day. She gave me a healthy set of wings and encouraged me to fly. She loved me enough to let me go.

Since then, I have quite often lived a life very much outside a warm and fuzzy comfort zone. Scott and I have traveled the world. We’ve gone to several countries where the natives don’t speak English. We’ve traveled to countries still under a communist regime. We’ve traveled to countries where Americans are not a favored visitor. Some of the travels I’ve done alone. I’ve traveled to many states alone. I’ve made both road trips and air travel alone.

So why am I telling you this story? Because I find it interesting that after all these years of living an adventurous life it has dawned on me that my mother did me a great service. She pushed me beyond not just my own comfort zone but hers as well. Actually let me rephrase that. I’m not sure at the age of 20 I had a determined comfort zone but I know she pushed me beyond her own. For many years she was a single mom and greatly worried about her children. She had created our lives in such a way as to minimize danger and harm. We lived in a bit of a bubble in order to remain safe. And yet when presented with an opportunity to help me make my own way in the world, she took it. She set her own fears aside and pushed me to expand and explore. I remain forever grateful to my mother for this act of courage. (My mother was instrumental in yet one more event that determined my future but I'm saving that for Part 2.)

To Ponder: What do you do, as a parent, that might help your child find his or her way outside the comfort of the life you created for them? Are you giving your child wings or are you holding back for fear of potential pain and suffering? Are you encouraging them to live a life of wonder or sabotaging their inner growth? Are you planting faith or fear?

My mom most definitely gave me wings. She encouraged me to live a life of wonder. She planted faith. "Thanks Mom!"