GAZING AT A CLOSED DOOR

“True to his nature, he did not stand wistfully gazing at a closed door. Instead, he moved passed it.” This quote came from a book I recently read and it shocked me when I realized it was not a true statement about me. I wonder how many closed doors I have stood in front of hoping that somehow, some way, they’d reopen? How much precious time have I wasted chasing a dream that I gave up on too quickly? Will I live in Oklahoma again, close to my family? Will I have children of my own? Will I create traditions in my home that will be recreated year after year? Will I be a great singer? Dancer? Piano player? These are all things I desperately wanted at some point in my life but for a variety of reasons, they did not come to fruition. What about becoming a marathon runner? A highly compensated executive? A writer?

Some of these dreams may seem foolish or irrational to you but each time I had my sights on a goal and yet did not accomplish it, was not successful in completing it, it knocked me down just a little bit. It took the wind from my sail, it removed a bit of hope from my heart.

Each time I shared a dream or goal with someone, that person would be excited for me as well. However, if I couldn’t/didn’t continue with the goal as planned, I would be asked about it. “Are you still taking piano lessons?” “What about your singing class?” "Have you finished that book you were working on?" When I would share that I’d stopped for whatever lame excuse came to mind the conversation would end. There was no follow-up, no pursuit, no calling me on the carpet for my lame excuse. I am by no means blaming my friends and family for my lack of follow-through but I do think it is interesting that I was let off the hook so easily. Why was I not questioned more? Why did these folks let me give up? Why was I not held accountable to my claimed dreams? It was almost as if they were saying to me, “Oh well. No big deal. Now let's go get a pizza.”

In hindsight, I wish that person would have been willing to hold me accountable. I wish they would have put my feet to the fire and riddled me with questions. I wish they would have told me that quitting was not an option, that in order to ever do anything great, I had to keep at it, I had to keep trying. Instead, I was basically ‘allowed’ to quit the many things I'd started.

As I ponder this situation, years later, with many broken dreams and incomplete goals, I wonder why this was the case. Did my friends not feel comfortable holding me accountable? Did they not know how? Did they not care? And, as an added question, did I do the same to my friends? Did I not push them to be their best, to accomplish their goals and dreams? Have I let people off the hook in the pursuit of a dream? Was I a good enough friend to push them to accomplish? Or do we all just walk around giving one another a free pass to take the path of least resistance?

How do I know when a goal I’ve set for myself is truly real? How do I decide what activities I really want to pursue? How do I make it so that the folks in my life can hold me accountable?

Learning to discern between a truly closed door and a door that only seems closed because an obstacle is in front of it is of paramount importance. Overcoming obstacles and pressing on are critical to success - not just for me but for all of us.

What would it look like if we rose to the occasion of holding one another accountable to a stated dream or a goal? We need to help each other sing the song in our heart, live a life fully realized, let our lights fully shine. We must pursue. We must persevere. We must utilize the blessings given to their full and awesome extent. And we must do this, not just for ourselves but also for those around us.

I believe our world would look very different if we stopped staring at closed doors, but walked through them, hand in hand with another.